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June 20, 2013

why long distance sucks.

Rich and I have been in a long distance relationship between New York and England for our entire relationship - five whole years this July. It's crazy to me that we've lasted this long under these conditions, but at the same time it just feels so normal. And because of that, I am so much more grateful and appreciative of the time that we get to spend with each other. We try not to take any moment for granted, and make each one count. We don't always know when exactly we'll see each other next, goodbyes are tough and last forever, and most of our relationship is over iPhone, but man, do we love each other despite all of that. We've had our ups and downs just like any relationship, but because of the distance, even trips to the grocery store together seem special, because it's just such a rare occurrence. It's the little things for us, and that's how I know we'll (hopefully!) never get bored.

But with all that said, if I could choose between the relationship we've had completely long distance, or a normal relationship with at least a few days a week of physical contact, I would never wish this LDR on myself, or anyone else for that matter. It's just too traumatic at times, and there's no need for it.

Yes, long distance has made us stronger, but at times it has made us very weak, weaker than I think we could have ever been had the situation been different. Yes, distance makes the heart grow fonder, but after four months of distance, the heart just gets tired of waiting and puts its cranky pants on. And yes, I find it a lot easier to never take R for granted because the time we get is so sparse, but I like to think we would have appreciated our time together no matter what.

So I guess the bottom line here is that long distance just sucks.
Here are a few of the reasons why I really find it hard sometimes:

1 // Sweet and simple: flights cost a lot of money. Like a lot, a lot. This doesn't always effect our visits, but it can shorten them by a day or two, which is a lifetime of extra time for us, or it can cancel plans all together, like it did a few months ago.

2 // when something exciting happens, and I want to tell Rich first, it has to be over iMessage. Or I have to ask to FaceTime. Or he might be asleep because of the time difference. There's just so many things that get in the way, and then whatever I wanted to say loses a lot of its depth.

3 // at the end of every visit, no matter how long, there is a goodbye. If you're optimistic, it's a "see you later" but if you're a little tired of being optimistic, it's a "see you later if later means four months from now, but it doesn't, so bye". There are always tears, no matter how long it will be until we see each other again, and it always lingers for too long. It ends in a long car ride for one person, and an even longer flight for the other, both with red, puffy eyes.

4 // it's a lot harder to find time to video chat when there's a five hour time difference. I mean we're lucky that we get to talk for a large part of the day, but it's still really hard. Rich wakes up while I'm asleep, which might be a little easier for him because he goes to work and keeps himself busy for the most part until I get up and start my day. I find it hard that Rich goes to sleep between 5:30 and 7:00 my time, so I still have a lot of time before I go to sleep, and it's all down time. There's nothing extraordinary to keep me busy, I usually just want to talk to him. Saying goodnight every night is only second to saying goodbye in airports.

5 // we miss a lot of fun things like shows and concerts because we won't be together, or in the right country at the time of the event. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but it happens to us a lot.

6 // sometimes you just really want to hug the person you love, and when you know you can't for another two or more months, it hurts more than you can imagine.

7 // when a really long time goes by, I can almost forget what it feels like to be kissed by Rich. It's a really sad feeling.

8 // we are both going to have carpel tunnel when we get older because of all of the texting. And probably some kind of disease from the radiation cell phones give off.

I thought I would have a simpler time creating a list like this, but it's actually really hard to think of the reasons why I hate LDRs so much because they're probably such simple reasons. To be continued, I suppose.

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