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September 27, 2013

on feeling overwhelmed.

I don't know where to start with this really (side effect of feeling so overwhelmed). Maybe with a list - I'm good at lists.

Things that are overwhelming me at the moment (in no particular order):
* the fall television schedule - so many shows, so little time.
* having to work a bunch of Fridays when I'm normally off with the house to myself - it's when I accomplish the most and it's hard not having that day alone.
* blogging for my cousin.
* finding inspiration to create and do after a long day at work.
* trying to keep up with posting on this blog after all of the above.
* potty training a two year old who pees every ten seconds.
* having all of these overwhelming feelings is really overwhelming.

When I'm feeling like this, I normally cry or pace by myself first. Then, I talk to R or my best friend or my mom and subtly vent about one thing that quickly turns into tears about everything. Then I write about it - I make a list like this, or I scratch out a few separate lists for each one about how to handle it, ideas I have to complete a task, or a schedule of what to do first. I figured that since I'm having trouble posting I would just spill this all out on here to try and get my gears turning and figure this all out.

In all seriousness, the fall tv schedule really does overwhelm me enough to make this list. I like keeping up with shows that I love, and back in college it was just glee and grey's anatomy and that's all I had time for. But now that I live with my parents I watch things with them as a social event, and there's a dvr in every room of the house, which makes tv so accessible. I am the type of person that can't drop a show unless it's absolutely horrible - I get way too invested (see my twitter to read nonstop observations, judgements, and confessions of love for one tree hill, the 187 episode series that I am six and a half episodes shy of completing in less than a month). Actually, invested might be an understatement. Yes I have a dvr. Yes this is such a first world issue. Yes I am slightly ashamed of this even remotely affecting my life, but on top of everything else it's just like, come on.

In terms of blogging for my cousin two times a day and blogging for myself my ideal once every week day, this is a toughie. My cousin offered this job to me because she likes my voice, and of course because she's my family and I love her I wanted to help her out. I like posting on Chelsea Dogs, but I am starting to realize that this is only going to get harder and harder because there are only so many funny dog videos, heartwarming stories of rescue dogs, and ridiculous pictures of poodles in clothes. I think what the hard part is, is that sometimes I sit down at the computer ready to post on here when all of a sudden I realize it's getting a little late and I haven't scheduled anything for her for the next day. Sometimes I find good things to post very quickly and still have time and enough inspiration to post on here. Other times I can't find anything good, it takes forever to get done, and by the time I'm finished I just want to go to bed. Or chug a bottle of wine.

Obviously in terms of my job I can't do much about working a few extra days, and in all honesty it's not a huge deal, but like the tv dilemma, on top of everything else it's just a minor annoyance. I do have a lot more free time now with Max in school every morning, but I usually spend that time running errands, food shopping, or just sitting with a cup of coffee or three and relaxing with my pooch. I know I could use all of that time to my advantage, and some days I really do and it feels good, but I don't do it every day. And Max's potty training isn't that bad either, but it is really exhausting. Asking a genius little two year old if he has to pee every twenty minutes is not only annoying to him, but I annoy myself in the process. It's hard to trust him saying he doesn't have to go because he has had a bunch of accidents (which is obviously fine because he's two, we just started, and he doesn't completely get it yet), so having to ask drives us both nuts. But man does he look adorable in those little disney tighty whiteys. And he's well on his way to leaving diapers behind for good and I'm so proud of him. Exhausted - and tired of hearing myself say, "do you have to pee? Are you sure? You're not going to go in your underpants, right? You promise? Ok so you don't have to go yet?" - but proud.

I already feel a million times better having typed all of this out, and for anyone in the same situation as me, no matter what it is that's overwhelming you, writing really helps to air it all out and to figure out what is important at the end of the day and what is kind of silly. Even if you're not a writer, just make a few lists and cross things off and rule things out. Luckily for me I have a dvr, my work schedule should soon return back to normal, and the fall is my favorite season so I am hoping for lots of inspiration and some new things to keep me busy and help me to keep posting on here consistently. This blog is something that I really have grown to love over the last year and I think that not being able to post regularly is what is most overwhelming to me right now. Ironically enough posting here is what has made me realize that, so I guess I should bear that in mind the next time I feel this way.

Rant over. Overwhelming feelings slowly lifting. Weekend approaching. Life is good and will be great again soon.

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