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March 17, 2015

Dear Skylar,

You're six months old today, and all of the cliches apply: I can't believe how fast time has gone, you're getting so big, you make me proud every day, you're such a smart little girl, you are the most beautiful girl in the world, etc. The only one thing that surprises me, though it may seem hard to understand, is how much I love you.

When your mommy told me she was pregnant with you last January on our trip to California, I was so overjoyed that her and daddy were getting another shot at having a baby, because they had already been through so much before and after having Max. I was so excited initially, and though I never stopped being excited, as your due date approached I started to get anxious, and to feel apprehensive. I spent almost two years being your big brother's nanny, giving him so much love every day, that I just didn't know how I could make room in my heart for you, too. I didn't want to lose what me and Max had as a duo.

The day you were born though, your mom sent me a picture as soon as she could, and my heart exploded and swelled. I realized in that moment that I didn't need to make room in my heart for you, my heart just grew one hundred times its size in an instant, and I was so in love with you that it hurt, and still does.

Three weeks into your life, I disappeared for three months; three crucial months. By the time we saw each other, you were holding up your own head, laughing, just about rolling over, and seeing me from further and further away and smiling every time we locked eyes. In the last two months since I've been back with you and your brother, I have loved you both so hard that it physically pains me to think about, but in the best way that you couldn't possibly even understand yet. It's the best kind of love.

Sky, no matter how little I may be around in the future, no matter how many days pass without getting to see my face, no matter how many little moments I may miss, you have to know that the love I feel for you will never fade, it will never go away. It will only get stronger and more insane as time goes on. Being a part of your life is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.

I love you babygirl, happy half birthday.

Love, your Alessia.

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